What Else Can I say?

While covering the aftermath of the bombing that targeted one of the Shiites most revered Shrine in Samara, Atwar Bahjat became part of the story. Before the bombing, Bahjat, 30, an Iraqi reporter for the Dubai-based channel, Al-Arabiya, was assigned to report on the oil-rich city, Kirkuk said her colleague, Hadeer al-Rubaei. “When the Samara events happened,” Rubaie said, “she called and said she is going to Samarra to report on the attack. I tried to tell her not to go because it is very dangerous but she insisted to go.”

Ahmed Al-Salih, a reporter in the channel said that Bahjat was kidnapped as she was covering the explosion that targeted the holy Shiite Shrine in Samara along with two other colleagues, a technician and a sound engineer. “She was covering the news from the boundaries of Samarra because the security forces blocked all the entrances and exits” Salih said.

Salih said that Anmar Ashour, a cameraman for a Turkish news agency was with Bahjat at the time she was kidnapped but was able to run away from the kidnappers. After interior ministry commandoes found the three bodies, Ashour told them, two armed men in one car shot in the air to scare the people who were gathering to enter Samara. Then they shouted and said they want “The reporter”. People were scared. They escaped. Then, the two armed men kidnapped the three of them and took them to an unknown destination.”

Bahjat joined Al-Arabiya three weeks ago, Salih said. She was a correspondent of Al-Jazeera, a Qatari news agency. She was a writer, an artist and a poetess, her colleagues said.


When the news of her death came out, I was at my desk collecting news from our stringers in other provinces. I was completely shocked. I didn’t expect that the next victim would be the reporter.

As far as I knew her, Atwar Bahjat was one of the most active reporters Iraq ever witnessed. She was everywhere every time. I don’t remember she missed a conference even when Al-Jazeera’s office was closed, she attended the press conferences. I was very glad that Al-Arabiya hired her because I believed that she deserves them and they deserve her. Although she did not have that long time in the channel, she was a good example among her colleagues. She had a remarkable appearance on the screen with her Iraqi-map golden necklace she always wore.


I don’t know how to explain her death in the middle of this chaos the country is going through since the latest bombing. I cannot even find a way to express my grief. Tears have almost dried. I feel I am using blood instead of ink. What kind of cruelty is this to kill an innocent journalist who sacrificed her life just to tell the truth. She was there to tell the world that what happened was a crime and what is coming is worse as if she expected her death.

This morning when I was watching the news, my tears kept falling for the terrible accidents that happened to her funeral procession. These criminals opened fire at the procession when her coffin was taken to the graveyard and a car bomb exploded targeting it. what the hell is going on? She is dead for God’s sake. Let her be buried peacefully. Even the dead people have to suffer the misery of the situation.

Jill’s deadline is tomorrow. It aches me and makes me feel so terrible. She was my comfort along with J. I don’t know whether she’ll be released or not. I am afraid of one thing. I am afraid that her captors will kill her like what happened to Margaret Hasan during the Falluja battle. Oh Jill!! I am sorry to all what is happening to you. I wish I could do something to help you. But please remember that one day you had an Iraqi friend who really cares about you and loves you like his sister. I cannot believe that it has been almost two months since you were kidnapped. You know that we love you and we need you.

Last night I couldn’t sleep. How could I? Can you imagine someone’s country is being destroyed and he or she sleeps? Shootings and explosions rocked the neighborhood. I didn’t fear them because this became something normal in our life, just like drinking water and going to work. What made me stay awake is whether we will pass this war or not. The last time I had this feeling was in 2003 when I expected the US army or the Fedayeen break into our house and kill us. I hate this damn feeling. I can’t live like this. War war war! enough enough. I wish I didn’t hope for democracy and freedom to come to Iraq. Being oppressed but safe is better than being free and unsafe. Don’t tell me all these slogans of freedom and democracy. I am fed up with them. I don’t need anything more. I’ve had enough freedom and democracy. My best period in my life is destroyed. What kind of life is this when a young man cannot play sports, cannot date a woman, cannot walk freely, cannot work freely, cannot take his car and drive in the city, cannot cannot cannot and cannot???!!!! It just makes life so hard. I cannot say I want to die but I may say it one day if this continues. Why did the American administration come and destroy the remaining of the county that Saddam destroyed? And now what? Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia. Leave the countries in peace for God’s sake. Just try to fix your problems away from us. Leave us in peace. Iraqis did not fight each other for hundreds of years till you came.

Just in my neighborhood, four people were found shot dead. No one knows who these people were and why they were killed. We just heard the shootings at dawn and nothing more. Now, I have my rifle prepared. A friend of mine in another neighborhood called me last night. He was scared. Armed men are looking for Sunnis to kidnap and kill them, he said. I am so worried. I cannot even study for the TOEFL and GRE. I don’t even know if I will be able to have the tests or not. I am so worried about my parents. I am afraid that something bad happens to my sister, my brother-in-law and my beloved niece. I would kill myself is something bad happens to them. They are the last thing I have in this life and if they go, I don’t have anything in this life anymore.

It is hard for me to leave Iraq. It is in my blood, in my soul, in my prayers. I am afraid if I leave, I would never come back and this would be really my end. I love Iraq. I just love it. I am afraid if I leave I might die without seeing it again. I need to live in peace in my own country, marry an Iraqi woman and raise my children in their country. I need to have a normal life.

I’ve been patient for a long time. I’ve been tired of staying awake and worried. Even if I succeed and leave the country, my heart will stop and it will be like a stone. I will be like a robot and a machine that works for the sake of work because everything beautiful will be gone. Everything, my country, my roots, my friends, my family, and my whole life. I said it previously and will say it agains, “Farewell peace. We’ll miss you so much.”