For almost a week, I’ve been having horrible nightmares. I don’t sleep well due to the situation that is getting worse day after day. Yesterday, my day off, I woke up at 8 a.m. as I couldn’t sleep longer. I didn’t have breakfast, because I wasn’t in a good mood. I just had my daily mug of black Iraqi tea. My mother insisted that I have breakfast because by that I am hurting my health and myself. I realized I am making my family worried and there is no need to increase their pain. I had to pretend I am fine. I decided to have breakfast with her and my father. Our discussion was like any discussion inside an Iraqi family everyday, the current situation in the country. The main subject was the terrorist Iraqi woman who tried to blow up herself in the Amman hotel attacks.
After that, I went to my room, of course, to check emails and news. Nothing interesting or new I found. So I preferred to read some articles and blog entries. The most interesting entry I am enjoying now is 24 Step to Liberty’s journal visit to the United States. I find it interesting because it has to do with my forthcoming trip. I am trying to see how people behaved with him, being an Arab and Iraqi visiting a country hurt by extreme Arab terrorism in Sept. 2001. This is one of the things that preoccupied me. I am thinking over and over, what will these people think of this coming strange Arab man, what will they think when they see me in the streets? What would they say about me? “A terrorist?” or “A Muslim?”, or “just a normal Arab?”…
Now, Iraqis are being bothered wherever they go just because they are Iraqis. I don’t know what happened to us? In the past, specifically in the seventies, Iraqis were the most respected Arab people, my father always says to me. He visited many western countries, including England where he finished his education. Iraqis were the most educated of the Arabs. They were always debating like politicians in many subjects and were always convincing. Most of the students in University of Leeds, where my father studied, liked the Iraqi students who were always on the top along with their British colleagues.
Remembering what my father said and what is happening at the mean time made me understand that this no longer exists. For more than 30 years, the Baath Party governors in Iraq distorted this reputation. Instead of sending Iraqi students to share knowledge with international students, the criminal tyrants sent them to battles in a long war against Iran, Kuwait, and finally America and Britain.
Definitely, I am so lucky to get this chance to go abroad and it wouldn’t have been done without my friend J who did her best to make me take part in a journalism fellowship and see the editors of the paper I am working with. Sometimes I feel guilty; I see my friends who are government employees and how their aim to study abroad is very difficult due to the absence of the chances that may take them there and the bad material status. A., my friend, has been contacting dozens of organizations and universities in Europe to have a scholarship in a college specialized in agriculture, the degree he had in Baghdad University, but in vain. He is getting nothing.
After 7 p.m., I went out to see my friends whom I haven’t seen for almost a week being busy most of the time. They were very happy to see me. As usual, we gathered in A’s house where we had our two apples-flavored Hookah. This time, their discussion was about how they can save money at the time their salaries are terrible. I couldn’t intervene. My situation is different. Because I work with a western media, I am paid well. They are government employees whose salary doesn’t exceed $100, enough only for transportation and buying clothes. I also felt I am lucky and sad at the same time. As young men, we should have the best time in our lives. But the opposite is happening here. We are spending the best time in our lives in wars, battles, violence, killings, assassinations, and depression which made us think over and over and eventually will get tired of this because there is no solution, and even if there is a solution, it would take a very long time.
As usual, this morning, I woke up having a new nightmare… It was me walking in a dark street returning to my house which was dark and my 2-months old niece was crying out of this darkness. I woke up shaking. I endure anything in my life except except seeing my niece crying out of fear. I thanked God it wasn’t real. I took a shower, had breakfast and left to work to begin a new Baghdadi day, a day full of adventures and stories.
After that, I went to my room, of course, to check emails and news. Nothing interesting or new I found. So I preferred to read some articles and blog entries. The most interesting entry I am enjoying now is 24 Step to Liberty’s journal visit to the United States. I find it interesting because it has to do with my forthcoming trip. I am trying to see how people behaved with him, being an Arab and Iraqi visiting a country hurt by extreme Arab terrorism in Sept. 2001. This is one of the things that preoccupied me. I am thinking over and over, what will these people think of this coming strange Arab man, what will they think when they see me in the streets? What would they say about me? “A terrorist?” or “A Muslim?”, or “just a normal Arab?”…
Now, Iraqis are being bothered wherever they go just because they are Iraqis. I don’t know what happened to us? In the past, specifically in the seventies, Iraqis were the most respected Arab people, my father always says to me. He visited many western countries, including England where he finished his education. Iraqis were the most educated of the Arabs. They were always debating like politicians in many subjects and were always convincing. Most of the students in University of Leeds, where my father studied, liked the Iraqi students who were always on the top along with their British colleagues.
Remembering what my father said and what is happening at the mean time made me understand that this no longer exists. For more than 30 years, the Baath Party governors in Iraq distorted this reputation. Instead of sending Iraqi students to share knowledge with international students, the criminal tyrants sent them to battles in a long war against Iran, Kuwait, and finally America and Britain.
Definitely, I am so lucky to get this chance to go abroad and it wouldn’t have been done without my friend J who did her best to make me take part in a journalism fellowship and see the editors of the paper I am working with. Sometimes I feel guilty; I see my friends who are government employees and how their aim to study abroad is very difficult due to the absence of the chances that may take them there and the bad material status. A., my friend, has been contacting dozens of organizations and universities in Europe to have a scholarship in a college specialized in agriculture, the degree he had in Baghdad University, but in vain. He is getting nothing.
After 7 p.m., I went out to see my friends whom I haven’t seen for almost a week being busy most of the time. They were very happy to see me. As usual, we gathered in A’s house where we had our two apples-flavored Hookah. This time, their discussion was about how they can save money at the time their salaries are terrible. I couldn’t intervene. My situation is different. Because I work with a western media, I am paid well. They are government employees whose salary doesn’t exceed $100, enough only for transportation and buying clothes. I also felt I am lucky and sad at the same time. As young men, we should have the best time in our lives. But the opposite is happening here. We are spending the best time in our lives in wars, battles, violence, killings, assassinations, and depression which made us think over and over and eventually will get tired of this because there is no solution, and even if there is a solution, it would take a very long time.
As usual, this morning, I woke up having a new nightmare… It was me walking in a dark street returning to my house which was dark and my 2-months old niece was crying out of this darkness. I woke up shaking. I endure anything in my life except except seeing my niece crying out of fear. I thanked God it wasn’t real. I took a shower, had breakfast and left to work to begin a new Baghdadi day, a day full of adventures and stories.
Perhaps all will look upon you as a person of truth, as that is what you choose to be.
ReplyDeleteBest*Wishes on your journey.
Truth*Be, with you.
BL*M
Well, I suppose living in Iraq these days would cause nightmares in most people.... I always wonder how you people can live there and stay sane, really. I'd be worn out with fear and maybe end up never leaving the house or something. Yeah, I'm a cissy, I know... ;)
ReplyDeleteI hope that your trip will be a time-out for you. A time where you can rest from all the unrest and live a little.
The Mad Canuck told me you two might meet; that'd be cool.
Well, anyway, have as much fun as you can on that trip, stranger.
You'll be treated very well. America is a melting pot. So, don't worry about hospitality.
ReplyDeleteBring some Amr Diab CDs with you. They'll love his songs. At least, my husband does.
Oh, if you get to eat in a non-Iraqi M.E. restaurant, ask for kofta kobab if you want to order Iraqi kobab. If you order kobab, you'll end up with an Iraqi tikka plate.
Amazing how we all are feeling nervous and threatened. Sad to hear about your nightmares but I am certain that your trip will be fun. Fayrouz is right. Stay cool.
ReplyDeleteDry Bones
Israel's political comic strip since 1973
People know there are extremist in every race and religion. You will be fine in America. Some people may look and wonder but will never say anything. And for some of those people they will have the pleasure of getting to know you and will realize the error of there ways.
ReplyDeleteThe nightmares could be caused from the stressful situation you are living in and if your nervous about you trip that could be causing more strees. I am also enjoying 24 Step's posts. It is intresting to read about his reactions to things he has seen for the first time. I hope you will do the same after/during your trip. I hope you have fun on your trip.
Sadly, I think claiming Baghdad = Iraq is about as reasonable as saying New York = America. Baghdad is the heart of everything the local insurgents, in most cases invalidly, distrust and its the heart of what the foreign insurgents/terrorists fear and hate. This makes it the single worst place to get clear picture of what is going on any place else. It would be like, on 9/11, if someone had asked, "How many airplanes crashed in LA?" Valid 'if' the question had been about DC, but not LA.
ReplyDeleteWhile I value what Iraqi report from inside Baghdad, I think they have the same basic problem the international press does. They know a bit more who to trust and who is likely feeding insurgent propoganda, but they are still constrained to the information 'in' Baghdad and their own interpretations of what it going on every place else 'based' on that information.
Put simply, Baghdad is the last place in Iraq I expect to be getting 'better', instead of stumbling like a drunk between almost safe and getting worse. I very much hope that changes, and soon, but just as its the primary target, it is unfortunately also going to be the last to notice changes that are happening.
You guys are living in terribly stressful times. It must take a terrible toll on your mind and on your body.
ReplyDeleteThe last thing you should worry about is coming to America. People tend to respond in kind. If you treat them nicely, then they will treat you nicely. It will not matter if you are from Iraq. If you tell an American that you are from Iraq, I think they will be very curious and ask you questions (I know I would if I met you!).
My whole life, I have enjoyed reading the first impressions of people who have come to the USA for the first time. That is why I have enjoyed "24 steps'" blog so much recently. I hope you will write down your thoughts too. Please be honest; I like to read bad and good things about America too!
I was watching a programme about South Africa on a news channel where the lawyer who represented Nelson Mandela was speaking about his experiences during the Apartheid days. He said that the Nelson Mandela was always an optimist, even during the worst years. He knew that he would be a free man someday because he was right. He beleived that he would be freed the next day even though it took him years to get out of the hellhole.
ReplyDeleteHello Treasure, Sorry to hear about your nightmares.. but this is probably cuz of your upcoming trip and buys mind. Sure now you are thinking alot of how it will be to go there and how people will treat you... Although I'm not there yet, but I can tell that it's going to be wonderful :)
ReplyDeleteGod bless you.. and don't forget to share your stories with us when you get there.
Kagehi, if people in Baghdad could safely leave it for other parts of the country, perhaps we would not get this impression that Baghdad=Iraq. But as with NYC or any major city in America, if the heart of a place is ill, you can't ignore this and say, well the rest of the body is fine. As someone who has lived in Baghdad and has spent a considerable amount of time outside of it, I can tell you with some authority that Baghdad=Iraq. No, the entire country is not unsafe. But large swaths of it are. If Americans could not safely travel from Iowa to Nevada, nobody would say, well, quit writing about how bad it is in Iowa. Look at all of the states in between that are just fine. Baghdadtreasure mourns the loss of security in his capital. This is his home. Don't try to reassure him that everything is okay by naming some village in the south where people are feeling safe and happy.
ReplyDeletehey, U,
ReplyDeletedont ever worry about going there. u will discover it ur self. they are like the iraqis, trat them in respect, they will make u feel home. once, i was in North Carolina, and needed to fll my tank with gasoline. and of course when i went to the gas station, i didnt know how. we dont have the same machines (u will see them) plus, i needed to pay cash. so i went to the shop and asked him how to do so. i said "hey, im new here and dont know how to use the machine. would u show me?" a man was in the shop asked where i am from, so i said "i am an iraqi and here for a while" the shop owner came out to show me how to use the machine, and the other guy came out to keep talking to me!!!!
the most important thing, as i tell u every day, is that u shouldnt isolate ur self. go talk to people and tell them u r an iraqi visiting their country. they will treat u like a king!
Fayrouz and Original Jeff are right, Treasure. I don't think you will have the problems here that you think you might. Most people will be curious about you and if they think it's O.K. ask you alot of questions. Like Jeff said.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying your blog. I'm up to October in your archives.
P.S. If you visit Minnesota stay away from the Lutefisk. Yuck! Go for pizza instead.
I agree anonamous, but it doesn't change the fact that some people, like http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/ do get out to the rest and quite a few Iraqi bloggers, who have reason to go to other parts of Iraq do to their business **are** getting other information that doesn't look like Baghdad = Iraq. Those reporting it as such, when their only excuse is, "We don't think its safe to leave.", are not a) trying to leave to find out or b) trying very hard at all to find out what is really going on.
ReplyDeleteAnd as much as one would wish otherwise, if your standing in the middle of the big red dot on the target, you need to expect that you will be hit with more arrows and that 'maybe' what you are seeing isn't what is actually going on every place else. I am not talking about Iraqi bloggers that can't, but the members of the international press who don't have that excuse. Yon certainly has somehow managed to get information, and so have others. If all of them where such complete journalistic and personal cowards, we wouldn't even know any other city exist in Iraq. Its that *choice* to be ignorant and do nothing to find out what is really going on that bugs the hell out of me. Not the legitimate failure to find any of it out, by those that can't safely do so. Those I sympathize with, as I do with Baghdad Treasure's situation.
This is perhaps no the best place to have said what I did, but some bloggers *and* journalists are being completely dishonest about how unable they are to find out anything that isn't from the same city they are in. Some don't even try, though I am not in any way implying that Treasure is one of those.
As for the comments about problems. I don't just think Treasure won't, I know he won't have problems here, any more than the Iraqi here:
http://twentyfourstepstoliberty.blogspot.com/
has had any. People are starved for information over here, no matter how much they claim they have all they need. Though some only to confirm their presuppositions. While there may be nuts out there that think Iraqi = Target, they are likely a very small number. And most of them are smart enough to keep their mouths shut. Just avoid the ones that are ignorant morons *and* drunk at the same time and you will be fine.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI know you feel disappointed that in your youth, you and your friends live during difficult times. But please try to remain positive and to have hope. Your country is going through a historical change—things are happening rapidly—although I’m sure you feel not quick enough. Believe in time that Iraq will be a better place, and have the faith to hope for a better life for your children yet to be. You are not alone in your experiences. My father lived his youth during the depression in America, and as a young man fought in WWII. My mother lived her youth in Spain during their civil war. Both experienced hardship and war in their youth, but went on to find better days and a happier life. Don’t lose sight of hope. It will carry you through these difficult times. Prayers and hope are essential in life, I’m sure you’re parents would agree.
ReplyDeleteKagehi & Dogkees I don’t know what your agenda is, but is sound very much like the usual Pax America sweet talk. How can you compare an isolated incident such 9/11 where less than 4,000 life were lost to a war that has caused the deaths of more than 100,000 and the destruction of a nation. Wouldn’t you have nightmares if people to whom you have done nothing, hell bent on controlling your natural resources came into your country, destroyed your cities, burned your fellow citizen alive with white phosphorus, and killed indiscriminately? Yes, probably there are areas that the conflict does not affect as severely as if affects Bagdad, but Kagehi is making it seem like the war is just a small local conflict when it is wide spread. There is discontent and fighting in the north, south, west, and east of Iraq! It has even crossed into Jordan! What do you mean Bagdad does not equal Iraq? A better analogy would have been to say that New Orleans= America where Caucasians find food to survive a natural disaster, but blacks loot. For some, America is this wonderful land of equality and prosperity, but don’t tell that to minorities that have to fight every second of their lives for equality and justice. Didn’t you find it odd that the images of stranded and suffering victims of Katrina showed mostly African Americans and images of survivors of Katrina starting anew were mostly Caucasians? Yes, I am saying racism, inequality and injustice is still very prevalent in America and New Orleans indeed equals America just as Bagdad equals Iraq.
ReplyDeletePlease do not patronize Iraqis. They live there and now how bad it is. Telling them that others have been to hell and back should not be of any comfort to any one. No one should or deserves to be in such a situation just because of the greed of others. We should not be tolerant of conflict, exploitation, or abuse anywhere, any time. Stop justifying misery around the world with historical misery.
Yes, Iraqis will survive, but there is no way you can assure them that things will get better or even that they will be any resembles of normalcy since everyone wants what they have, Americans most of all. If I were treasure, I would have even more nightmares just thinking about the massive military bases Americans are building on my soil. American bases are not a good indication that things will get better soon.
If you really want to give treasure hope, demand the impeachment of George Bush, an end to the war, the restoration of Iraqi infrastructure, restitution, and the rapid complete withdrawal of every single American soldier. To end the conflict it is necessary to bring all factions to the table and agree on a multinational force that would keep the peace while really democratic elections are held and a fair constitution is worked out, but the US will never agree to that because it would mean loss of control of Iraqi oil.
I absolutely don’t believe Treasure’s nightmares are caused by his impending visit to the US. Unlike must of you, I will be honest with Treasure. Yes there are many wonderful people in the US, but there are some irrational individuals that will fear you and dislike you because of who you are or what you look like. I am a Mexican-American that looks Arab and I have had the privileged of being harassed because of those two characteristics. Welcome to America. Just like you, I write this letter in fear, because I know that could easily get me in lots of trouble. Wasn’t a Canadian citizen removed from a plan and sent to Syria or some other Arab country to be torture so all he new about terrorist cells was squeezed out of him? He was lucky, after few month of torture; he got out alive and now he is trying to bring Bush up on war crime charges.
Speak truth to power.
Peace
Enjoy your visit to America. Go to Disneyland and you will see that a little war in hour homeland is really of no consequence.
Kahegi, I respect your opinion and really don't want to debate you on this point, but can I ask, have you been in Iraq? Have you been as a civilian? The international press doesn't "try" hard enough to get out? Dude, I promised my mother I would come home to her. I take calculated risks. When I got, as an American, and I take people like Baghdadtreasure with me, I put myself and them at risk. And I weigh that heavily, the journalist risk versus the fact that I'm putting our lives at stake. It's not a decision I make lightly. Yes, I agree with you. People are getting out. I've been out and about as a targeted member of the international press. But I don't like to be second-guessed from the states when I make a decision not to go somewhere because it could cost me my life. I'm a volunteer in Iraq. I'm here to find out the truth. Nobody forced me to be here. Nobody forced this violence on Baghdadtreasure. That should be enough.
ReplyDelete